The 12 Steps for Compulsive Email Checkers

by Janelle Kennedy

Step 1: Admitted we were powerless over email - that our inboxes had become unmanageable.

Step 2: Came to believe that pressing refresh over and over and over and over does not make emails appear magically in our inbox.

Step 3: Made a decision to turn off our computers and actually talk to a real person.

Step 3.2: Naaah - that would be silly.

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our various mail accounts (including the one we use only to register for porn sites).

Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and on our blogs the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 5.2: Joined an on-line support group to help us.

Step 6: Were entirely ready to have the support group solve all our problems.

Step 7: Humbly asked the anonymous faces behind their computer screens to remove our shortcomings.

Step 8: Waited for their replies.

Step 9: Waited more; pressed refresh just once because we are not certain our internet connection is working just right.

Step 10: Continued to press refresh because you know they are there and are just making you wait because it is all a big game to them.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our mental connection to them because hitting refresh just isn't working and neither is the Whiskey!

Step 12: Admitted we were powerless over email - that our inboxes had become unmanageable